I was friends with a girl who I thought was really down to earth. She was fun, always up for a good time, never short on compliments, and provided a friendship where I could distract myself from the stress my life was plagued by. That being said, she got me to try things, go out during the week, focus on people and problems that weren’t worth my time. I put her on a pedestal and thought we had a ride or die friendship. Until her boyfriend broke up with her and she decided to have sex with the guy I was practically head over heels for.
I wish I could sugar coat that description and hand it over on a silver platter and say that she wasn’t that bad. That what she didn’t wasn’t that shitty. The truth is, no matter how you spin it, she is a bad friend.
When her boyfriend broke up with her I chose to believe her side of the story. I went along with her plan of action to help her ruin all the connections he had with our friends and our city. We weren’t malicious about it but I ignored him, I talked shit about him, I participated in social annilihation in the most casual of ways. I always liked him though. I never hated him. I just chose to be her friend over his because she made me believe what he did was wrong. Turns out he had tried to tell her or hint to her that the feelings weren’t the same. In the same way the guy I liked had tried to tell to me. The difference between me and my friend is…I understood where my guy was coming from and I walked away with dignity. She just tried to make him pay but ended up unravelling all the respect anyone had for her.
Her ex is a nice person. Sure, he could have done some things differently but he didn’t backstab anyone. And her, well, the girl I put on the pedestal ended up using and ignoring every detail I shared with her about my feelings with the guy. She slept with him, lied about it, did it again, kept lying about it and then tried to justify it will her being too scared to tell me and that real feelings developed. Ha.
Doesn’t that sound asinine?
That’s because it is.
Now all I’m hearing is about how she’s trying to make herself look like the victim. Like I’m a lowlife for giving up on her and not understanding. The thing is…I could forgive her and forget but what would that say about me? That I tolerate my friends betraying me? Lying to me? That I put up with people using other people to get back at those who hurt them? No. I refuse to go that route. Instead I will quote Lauren Conrad to add to the melodramatics. “I forgive you but now I want to forget you.” Because I do not have the time nor the energy to put towards a friendship that is not valued by the other party.
And so it is.
Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals (via moaka)
HOLY SHIT REASON #830 WHY Sylvia Plath AND I ARE THE SAME PERSON
Over the past 48 hours I have probably slept 28 of them and been restless the entire time. I’ve had two anxiety attacks, consumed 2 bowls of cereal and have left my apartment only to go to class and back. That’s like an hour and 30 minutes in length.
It’s also taken me all day to write a paper when it used to take me maybe 3 hours.
I can’t even pray because it gives me anxiety.
I don’t even know why I’m writing this.